Did ya hear the one about the ugly old fat chicks who filed a lawsuit because athletic young football players didn’t want to look at them while flying from city to city? If not, then stick around and I’ll fill yas in.
Yahoo: United Airlines fills its NFL and fellow sports charter flights with “young, white, blond/blue-eyed, female employees” over anyone else, according to a lawsuit filed Friday by two veteran attendants.
The lawsuit alleges that the company values its workers based “entirely on their racial and physical attributes, and stereotypical notions of sexual allure,” per the lawsuit reported by Bloomberg’s Robert Burnson.
Sharon Tesler and Kim Guillory said in the lawsuit they tried to get assigned to work sports charter flights. One of them is a Black woman who has been with United for 28 years and the other a Jewish woman with 34 years at the company.
They were told by supervisors, per the report, that they would not be assigned to them because they weren’t on “preferred” lists based on team preferences.
They later found out that the women on the lists were all young, white and blond with less seniority, per Bloomberg.
Stop the fucking presses! Do you mean to tell me that young, rich, testosterone filled athletes prefer to be served by 22-year-old blondes with nice round CrossFit sculpted ass cheeks, instead of a matronly Jewish woman and a sassy old black lady? Color me fucking shocked. I can’t imagine why Saquon Barkley or Cee Dee Lamb might not want a flight attendant who reminds him of his mother or his accountant’s wife.
Do people realize that when these gals come up and down the aisle with drink orders they’re also exchanging Instagram handles and planning meetups with players later on? Meetups that involve the type of amorous behavior typically reserved for the DogFart Network. It’s widely known that flight attendants are freaks. They travel the world and stay in flop houses filled with other flight staff and party and fuck all over the planet. Thus the savvy traveler will tell you that when the Cowboys are heading home from a hard fought road win in Miami, they’ll want to blow off some steam with a few young thoroughbreds, not some old hag whose been flying the friendly skies since Orville and Wilbur Wright were still in the biz.
So let’s call this what it is, it’s not a discrimination suit, it’s a Hail Mary. Maybe it was the video of Antonio Brown getting blown by Teanna Trump, maybe it was the OBJ ‘shitted on’ saga, maybe it was a different tryst altogether, but at some point those old coots heard all about the big hard NFL dick that their young counterparts were getting and it brought back memories of football seasons gone by, when they were still young stallions themselves. The flood of nostalgia led to a flood in their cotton white granny panties — the kind they haven’t experienced since back when the Bills were busy losing Super Bowls. Eventually, fond memories of mile high fun with Bo Jackson’s then-functional hips, gave way to a jet stream of spite, and in that moment they dropped back, threw it deep, and did what every other spiteful asshole in this country does — they filed suit.
Hopefully the judge sees through their ruse and throws out the case. This is the NFL after all, and not everybody makes the cut. If you watch Hard Knocks it’s something you understand. At the end of every training camp some guys make the team, some make the practice squad, and some get cut altogether. Same with flight attendants. The busty young blondes are gonna be flying home with the Super Bowl champs because they’re the best ones for the job. Veteran football players don’t always make the team regardless of their previous career achievements, and neither do haggard old flight attendants. It’s nothing personal, just business. Guys who get cut in the pros have to turn in their playbooks and iPads; and flight attendants who get cut from NFL charter flights have to stop at the Pleasure Palace on the drive home to pick up a Hitachi wand and a *VHS copy of Interracial Cocksuckers 7. That’s just the way things go in the NFL.
*They’re too old to work the DVD player or figure out the WiFi, especially while all horned up over some hard young NFL hog.
For more musings on this and other subjects, checkout the latest episode of my podcast The Savage Sacktap!
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