Dear Abby: Total Pussy Refuses To Help His Wife Lick Vaginas

“Somebody say ‘Hey, we want some pussy!” – 2 Live Crew

You may find it strange that I, a 35-year-old male war veteran with a penchant for weightlifting and the occasional bout of hogging, would be interested in Dear Abby letters, but if we’re being totally honest I love em, and every once in a while I find one that I feel needs to be shared with you dear reader.

Dear Abby: Man is unsure of the future with his bi-curious fiancée

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I are in our early 50s. We dated for two years and have been engaged for three months. She’s a wonderful lady, and I can’t imagine life without her.

I knew she was bi-curious a year ago when she told me one of her married female co-workers was flirting with her and she kind of enjoyed it. Since then, their relationship has grown, and they get together every couple of weeks for intimacy in our home. They have even asked me to join them, which I haven’t done yet.

I’m gonna let that sink in. His fiancé is bringing pussy home for him to double team with her, and he hasn’t done so. I doubt they can conceive at their age, but let it be said, this man (if we can even call him a man) is unfit to raise a son. We don’t need the gene for ‘turns down threeway with wife and her pussy eating coworker’ getting passed down to the next generation and fucking up the human race.

My fiancee insists she isn’t a lesbian or bisexual and what she and her friend are doing is innocent fun, but I’m not so sure. So far, I haven’t made an issue of it and go to bed at my usual time when her friend visits so they can have their fun. But have I opened Pandora’s box by being so agreeable?

It is innocent fun you fuckin pussy. What kind of maniac is invited to join as his fiancé engages in hot girl on girl action, and says “no, you know what, I’m going to drink a chamomile and read in bed until I fall asleep”. Can you imagine knowing that there are two chicks downstairs sitting on each other’s faces, they want you to participate, and you decide to turn in so you can get some quality shut eye? What the fuck man!? Focus less on Pandora’s Box and get your ass down to the living room so you can help your wife chow down on her coworker’s box.

You know what’s gonna happen. His wife is going to go to the married friend’s house one day, she’s gonna fuck her friend and her friend’s husband, and this guy is gonna freak the fuck out. Or not. Maybe it’s the push in the right direction that he needs. Maybe he’ll realize that if he doesn’t match his woman’s level of freak he’s gonna lose her. I could definitely see a scenario where he gets very drunk and participates in a wife swapping 4 way of some kind with his wife and the other couple. The other guy lays down a porn star performance and our bitch boy here is convinced to enjoy a plate of cream pie because his fiancée thinks it will be hot and he’ll do anything to make her happy and is terrified of losing her to a more sexually adventurous partner. The next day he wakes up hung over, depressed, riddled with anxiety about his relationship and sexuality. He’s disgusted with himself. He gets a gun and kills the other couple, the woman he loves, and himself in a horrific triple murder suicide. Tale as old as time really, you read stories like that in the New York Post every day.

She promises no romantic feelings are involved, that her friend is no threat to our relationship and the two of them are just blowing off steam. Our love life is great, and she says nothing can replace us in the bedroom. Should I continue to look the other way? Or is this a fork in the road that could lead to a life of “anything goes”?

Okay I hate to be the bearer of bad news here guy, but your love life is not great, and you will certainly be replaced in the bedroom. Matter of fact, I’d say that if your wife and her friend are in the kitchen going ass to ass with a double ended dildo, while you’re asleep upstairs, you have 100 percent already been replaced in the bedroom. This guy is either gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that) or has no balls. If the aforementioned murder-suicide doesn’t play out then I wouldn’t be shocked if a year from now this guy finds himself in a dom-sub relationship with another man.

As for his fiancée; she’s what’s known as a hot wife. A woman in a committed relationship who really likes to cum. She’s way too wild of a cat for him to keep cooped up in the house. Let her out and let that kitten purr baby.

1 thought on “Dear Abby: Total Pussy Refuses To Help His Wife Lick Vaginas

  1. Is this why your mother and I borrowed against our retirement to send you to that fancy liberal arts college?

    Like

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