“On Sundays we don’t wear panties” – Eleanor Roosevelt
It’s a pretty widely agreed upon fact that flying sucks. Sure you can soften the blow with some edibles, booze, and a podcast, but unless you have the disposable income to fly first class, the whole process just blows.
Pay an exorbitant amount for a tiny seat, cough up $20 for an Uber to the airport, lug your carry-on through the security line and cross your fingers that the TSA doesn’t confiscate your weed, drink yourself into a daytime stupor at the terminal bar, get stuck next to an annoying family on a fart filled tube for 5 hours, and maybe if the pilot isn’t having such a great day, or some mechanic made a minor mistake on the ground, the plane goes down in flames. All in all I’d say it’s a pretty shitty deal.
With that in mind I’d like to commend a young woman working at British Airways for her efforts to improve the travel experience.
A British Airways stewardess is promising to cause severe turbulence — by advertising for sex between flights.
The attendant, who also sells her underwear online, lures in clients by taking risque snaps mid-air in her uniform.
One photo on Facebook sees her hitching up her skirt in the galley kitchen yards from oblivious passengers.
Another in a cabin toilet showed her wearing just tights under her BA uniform, with the caption: “No panties on Sundays.”
When this chick is eventually fired by British Airways she should absolutely get into marketing, because “No panties on Sundays” is a line worthy of Don Draper. I could see him doing one of those pitch meetings they had in Mad Men; he has everyone meet at Teterboro airport on a Sunday, calls in a favor with a pilot he knows and takes everyone for a spin in a private plane, he has the redheaded chick with the big rack and a hot black chick dressed as flight attendants, they pour a few bloody Mary’s for everyone on the plane, and then on cue they both sit down and pop their legs open revealing a tangled mound of pubes where their panties should be. That’s when Draper hits you with that line; “Gentlemen, when you fly with British Airways, there are no panties on Sundays”. Then he goes on to explain how British Airways will become the number one airline among men traveling for international business by gathering up every perky 27-year-old they can find and making the cabin’s atmosphere thick with their unsheathed womanly scent.
Unfortunately in the year 2020 such fun cannot be had.
But it appears the air hostess’ original Instagram, Twitter and OnlyFans account have all been deleted after The Sun’s interview went viral.
It offends the good sense of a reasonable man to think that an airline would object to an employee providing this degree of customer service. If there’s one thing everyone hates it’s the aviation industry. If there’s one thing everyone loves it’s pussy. Business 101 really. What’s more, no objection can be made to the young woman’s appearance, as a review of her photographs betray a temptress whose box most men would be pleased to sniff.
Asked about her extra-curricular work during a Sun investigation, the stewardess boasted of being a member of BA’s Heathrow-based crew.
She charges punters £25 (AU$45) for a pair of her knickers, but the fee rises steeply for one-to-one services.
She states: “You will need to pay a securing fee of £50 (AU$90) to meet. Prices vary depending on the requested meet — no negotiating.
“If I have booked a hotel for work, the meet will take place there (London).”
She is also happy to meet overseas if away with BA but states: “You would need to book another hotel for protection and privacy.”
So here is a motivated young woman with an energetic entrepreneurial spirit, and here are British Airways and society trying to snuff it out. For all the lip service paid to empowering women and breaking up the boys club, you would think that people would be much more supportive of such an enterprising young lady. Along comes a sexy little kitten with fresh baked panties for sale and she’s forced into hiding and anonymity because the prudes of the world apparently have the ear of the powers that be at British Airways.
This woman operated with the utmost discretion. She wasn’t peddling her product to children, she was providing a service to passengers who expressly requested said service! In a COVID world, in a post 9/11 world where everyone is a little nervous to get on a plane, and alcohol is proven to lead to anti-social behavior, maybe a nice warm set of panties is the key to placating anxious fliers. A man brought to agitation by spirituous libations, may indeed be soothed by the welcome smell of a nubile vixen. As a frequent flier in the Pacific Rim in my younger years, I always enjoyed the complimentary hot towel service provided by local carriers. What a delight it would be to pat your face instead with a nice hot pair of used panties. Sadly, it appears such innovations remain ahead of their time.
The BA employee’s part-time role raised eyebrows among airline colleagues.
One source told The Sun:
“It is shocking dereliction of duty and not the image BA wants of its cabin crew.”
Perhaps you’re familiar with the idea of crabs in a bucket, perhaps not. For the uninitiated; when crabs get caught and thrown in a bucket, some of them will try to climb out and escape. When that happens the crabs stuck at the bottom will tug at the leg of the escaping crab and pull it back down. This behavior is echoed in the words of the flight attendant who doesn’t feel motivated to start her own sexy side hustle, and as such resents those who do. It’s one of the more unfortunate aspects of the human condition.
Another crew member suggested she was topping up her pay after Covid-related cuts.
They said: “This highlights a serious point in that many staff can’t afford to live on reduced wages since the cutbacks, and she is raising funds in her own time.
“But this is not on. Times are hard and if this is something she’s happy doing it’s hard to argue.
“But she is bringing her employer into disrepute and placing herself in great danger.”
Who are we to judge this woman? She flies regularly during a deadly pandemic, putting herself at risk to serve the paying passenger and her airline bosses, but because fewer people are flying she needs to find new ways to make ends meet, and manages to do so while also improving the customer experience. With that in mind I’d like to offer a word of caution to the airlines; you were already in a state of disrepute among the consumer class, but in shaming and perhaps punishing this enterprising young woman you only serve to deepen the hole that you have already dug!
Last night BA was seeking to identify the staff member as it launched an investigation.
A spokesman told The Sun: “We expect the highest standard of behaviour from all of our colleagues at all times, and we are investigating the claims.”
A pox on their house if they punish this woman. I say she oughta be awarded Employee Of The Month and given a raise.