Heroes And Villains: Subway Slashing And A Hudson River Rescue

“Sometimes justice is better served by those who have experienced the pain”

If you’ve read this blog, listened to my podcast, or checked out my YouTube page (this is me shamelessly trying to get you to subscribe to all 3, especially the YouTube page, BTW) then you know I have a real problem with idiots. I can’t stand when idiots do idiot things and get away with it free of consequence. Such instances of idiocy were on display again this past week with one such idiot getting his just desserts and another putting first responders at risk because she was being such a complete idiot.

This is from the Post:

A man was slashed in the face by a fellow straphanger who wanted him to turn down his music on a Manhattan train, cops said.

The 22-year-old was riding a northbound 6 train at Grand Central around 10:50 p.m. Wednesday when a stranger asked him to lower the music that he was playing on his phone, according to cops and police sources.

I couldn’t find the quote, but I had the local TV news on the other day and overheard the ‘victim’ talking to reporters about the attack, he was saying the guy that attacked him was animal or something along those lines. All I could think was, “no, no shithead, the guy who slashed you is a hero.” This is what needs to happen when people play music on their phones in public and especially aboard mass transit. The time for politeness is over, the time for slashing has arrived. Was the slasher probably a deranged homeless guy who was high on PCP at the time? Probably. Do I still want De Blasio to pardon him for taking this heroic stand in the name of everyone who wants to commute without getting a 30-minute long earful of some entitled douche bag’s music? Yes! In fact I would say that a pardon for committing what would otherwise be a brutal assault, isn’t going far enough. As far as I’m concerned we need to give this man the key to the city, three satchels of gold, a half a dozen fatted calves, and twin virgins. It’s high time we start elevating our heroes and this razor blade wielding maniac is the biggest hero New York City has seen since the cops who caught that terrorist after he ran over all those people on the West Side Highway bike path. Anyone who has ever commuted agrees that people who publicly listen to music without headphones deserve to be cut with razorblades, this guy stepped up and did it, ipso facto he’s a hero.

Speaking of heroes. We need to stop making heroes risk their lives to save morons from ice cold water in the winter. It’s been 20 degrees and snowing for the past two weeks and I’ve seen like 3 of these stories where the cops get called out to form a human chain and pull some dumbass out of a frozen river. What are you idiots doing? We’re losing our shit in this country. Half of us are afraid to go outside. The other half are so committed to being outside that they stormed the Capitol over it, and then the idiots in between are jumping into icy bodies of water.

Here’s ABC7’s copy from a recent incident in Hoboken:

A woman was rescued from the Hudson River after sneaking onto a pier to take pictures.

Police say the 23-year-old climbed over a railing to get onto the pier on Sinatra Drive N. near 12th St. in Hoboken. Since there was snow, she did not realize there was a gap between the pier and the dock.

She fell more than 10 feet into the river and was waist deep in the water, clinging to a piece of metal.

“It was unsettling, and it was not safe for us to go out on the pier, because we didn’t know if the pier was compromised, or if there was a hole,” said Hoboken Police Officer Duke McCourt, “It was all covered with snow, and it was chaotic, and we’re just happy everything worked out.”

They don’t name the chick because technically she’s a victim, but I think we should start naming and shaming these people the same way we do with child molestors. If I’m Googling a job applicant to see if they’ve ever been busted for diddling kids, I might also want to know if my potential new hire is dumb enough to jump into the Hudson River in February. You review the applications, you do a quick Google search and you find out that a bunch of cops almost died trying to rescue one applicant, so you go with the child molestor instead because there aren’t any children working in your corporate office and at least he’s shown some proficiency with a computer, not to mention the good sense to avoid icy bodies of water in the winter.

Don’t get me wrong I don’t have a problem with water rescues in general. If some kid is sucked out to sea by a rip current in July, every attempt at a rescue should be made. That’s an understandable situation, that’s what the lifeguard is there for. Same goes for miners who get trapped underground. We’re comin for ya! We’ve got guys for that, its part of the agreement. You do the dangerous underground job, and we’ll make sure some guys with ropes and flashlights are standing by in case shit goes south. But as for the idiot who fucked around on the Hudson River in the dead of winter; we’re probably better off without her pissing the gene pool.

I’ve been saying this ever since those Thai soccer kids who got stuck in the cave and had to be rescued by scuba divers. What are you doing fucking around in a cave? They were at a youth soccer tournament and decided to go hang out in a cave with their coach. What the fuck is that? Sit on the sidelines and eat oranges, don’t follow a grown man into a cave. Where were the parents when this field trip was planned? If some guy said he wanted to take my young son into a cave I’d assume he had molestation or worse on his mind. I know it’s Thailand and they look the other way on that kind of thing, but still, if you remove the molestation the cave trip is still monumentally dangerous and stupid, and if you venture into a cave you deserve what’s coming to you. There’s a reason mankind left caves and built houses. Caves suck; at best you only get bit by a spider or a bat or wake up a hibernating bear and get eaten, at worst you get molested. Idiots.

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