Weirdo Being Hailed As A Hero For Trying To Bang A Pregnant Chick

NYPOSTThis labor of love was quite literal — and came much sooner than expected.

When 20-year-old Alyssa Hodges and 25-year-old Max Silvy matched on Tinder, Hodges was upfront about the fact that she was pregnant — but neither expected Silvy to help her give birth on their fourth date.

“I was about six-and-a-half-months pregnant when I went on Tinder, and I clearly stated that on my bio,” Hodges, a Brisbane, Australia, resident told Kennedy News. “I didn’t want to lead anyone on, so I was being open and honest. I wanted them to know what they were getting into right off the bat.”

Before I even get into the fact that banging pregnant chicks is absolutely disgusting (I’m not the type to kink shame, but I draw a hard line at bringing your dick tip to face with a developing fetus WHILE dangerously jostling the little soybean around with every thrust) we need to ask a very important question; WTF was this broad doing on Tinder in the first place? Once you become pregnant everything should be about the baby, and that means hitting the pause button on swiping right for guys holding up fish or sharing shirtless mirror pics. That should be the rule as soon as you pee on the stick and find out you’re expecting, and you certainly shouldn’t be meeting dudes on a fuck app when you’re in the third trimester.

Usually, such a disclaimer would turn Silvy off, but he immediately fancied Hodges despite it.

“There was something that caught my eye about Alyssa. Normally I wouldn’t swipe right on a pregnant girl, but there was just something about her,” said the civil servant.

Well then stick with your first intuition next time bucko because I’m here to tell you that banging pregnant chicks is gross. I don’t care if it’s your wife, the woman you love and plan to raise the child with, when she is pregnant she’s disgusting; she’s bloated, she has varicose veins, she has hemorrhoids, she grows out her bush, the whole operation is an absolute train wreck, so let’s stop sugar coating things by telling these cows that they’re “glowing” or whatever other bullshit term we use to gloss over the obvious.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to assist pregnant women physically because I realize their condition is somewhat delicate and I’m a gentleman, but let’s be honest about the rest, and more importantly let’s be honest that this SIlvy cat probably has some kind of weird preggo fetish.

The pair hit it off, but Silvy had to travel frequently for work soon after they met, so they’d only gone on three dates when their fourth came up. Hodges was supposed to pick up Silvy from the airport, but he ended up needing to meet her in the hospital, as that day ended up being the one on which her water broke.

“On the day I went into labor, I was meant to be picking Max up from the airport as he was coming back from a work trip. That was the plan, but I ended up texting him saying, ‘I’m so sorry, you’ll have to get a taxi. I’m going into labor,” recalled Hodges of the day in September 2021. “He hopped into a taxi when he got off the plane and came to the hospital and was there for me. My mum was also there supporting me, but she had a holiday, so she was here and there. Max was there for me through the whole labor and birth.”

Now, there are idiots out there who will say that this is a beautiful story about two ships passing in the night, two people falling in love, set against the magical backdrop of a new life being brought into the world. Actually though, it’s a story about a woman who is so unhinged and selfish that she thinks it’s okay to schedule a date with a relative stranger around the time she’s going to deliver. A birth is not a surprise. It takes 9 months, you carry the thing around all day every day, you know it’s coming, for fuck’s sake it’s 2022, they literally tell you the day you can expect the kid to pop out — probably a good idea to avoid scheduling a romantic liaison for at least a two week window around that day.

This feels like the plot of a 90s sitcom, “Oh no, my water broke, but today is my big date with Silvy” and all sorts of shenanigans ensue while this whacko does kegels to failure as she tries to hold in the fetus – mini golf, roller blading, a trip to an amusement park, then they’re at a romantic dinner and all of a sudden she’s taking forever in the bathroom, he goes in to see what’s wrong and the white tile floor is coated with blood and placenta while she sits there trying to cut the umbilical cord with a nail file that was in her purse.

After sharing their story on social media, Hodges said she has been flooded with praise for Silvy.

“On TikTok, everybody is asking if Max has a brother, calling him ‘man of the year’ and saying we were the cutest little family. It was a great reaction,” she said.

Does the weirdo you met on tinder have a brother who also has a preggo fetish? Look, I know chicks are kinda dumb and can be easily swayed by a nice story (a lesson we learned in the first semester of college when a chick on the volleyball team banged one of ugliest guys on the football team “because he said all the right things”), but there are some major red flags here. At the absolute best you’re settling down with a guy who has a major jones for pregnant chicks — how soon before he loses interest in your newborn son and your no longer pregnant body and decides to troll for ass at a Lamaze class? Worst case he’s a pedo playing the long game; hang around for the first few years of the kid’s life, gradually introduce him to the site of your penis, and then by the time he’s a 4-year-old piece of NAMBLA bait the grooming is complete and Silvy here is nuts deep in his soft, boyish heiny.

A word of advice ladies; if it sounds too good to be true it probably is. Hire a babysitter if you need help with the kids because any guy who is eagerly involved with a pregnant woman is a major creep who you don’t want coming near your newborn.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close