“He even went as far as proposing to two of us, which is super unsettling because of how weird the interactions were,” – Barista talking about weirdo “pickup artist” who allegedly stabbed a woman 60 times
There’s been a group of douche bags out there with whom I’ve had a bone to pick for years — so-called “pickup artists.”
Honestly, I don’t even know if so-called is a good enough descriptor because that implies that maybe they are actually doing some kind of picking up, maybe “self-described” is a better term, since they’re the only ones who think their weirdo version of “game” is going to get them laid or a date or whatever it is they’re after.
If the term “pickup artist” rings a bell, but you’re wondering why I’m talking about these chodes over a decade after the American bar scene was swept by hordes of peacocking ass clowns in busy button down shirts and costume jewelry, then allow me to explain. Last month a Queens woman was stabbed 60 times by her ex-boyfriend, a man later revealed to be responsible for creeping out baristas at a nearby Starbucks with his completely uninvited advances.
Here’s what one of the unlucky gals told the New York Post:
“He would come up to us and ask for coffees and tell us that we looked pretty and make comments about how we look,” former barista Oliwia Pikulinski, 21, told The Post by phone Thursday.
“He was creepy, he stalked people… It was known. Everyone knew he was a weird individual, especially in the Starbucks on Austin Street,” said Pikulinski, who worked at the location for three years before quitting five months ago.
Bonola would also “drop in the tip jar love notes and songs that he would make about us,” said Pikulinski.
Alarms started going off in my head as soon as I read this profile on the alleged killer. I’ve seen this kind of bizarre behavior before, back in 2011-2013 or so at the height of my going out to bars and binge drinking 3 nights a week phase, it’s pickup artistry. Advice on how to get laid will always be popular among young guys, but there was something about these pickup artist books that seemingly every guy my age was reading (see: Neil Strauss – The Game, and Mystery – The Pickup Artist) that just gave me massive douche chills. For the uninitiated, the books contain advice on things like how to dress and improve self esteem, both reasonable and healthy goals for guys looking to meet women. But that’s about where the “healthy” part ends and things dovetail towards sociopathic and creepy.
Once you’ve spritzed on some cologne, buttoned up your striped collared shirt, and donned 3 tons of glistening costume jewelry you’re ready to hit the town and open a few sets (sets are groups of women, the whole thing is pretty dehumanizing so I’m just gonna point that out right now so you aren’t shocked when the trend repeats itself).
It’s when the pickup artist finally gets to the club, shopping mall, bar mitzvah, or wherever his chosen hunting grounds may be, that the creep factor really gets ratcheted up with the rest of the evening becoming a race to isolate women from their friends at all costs. This is so said friends are unable to prevent you from luring your drunk target off to a secluded location for a sexual encounter that will really test the limits of the word “consent”.
Here are some selections from The Pickup Artist: The New And Improved Art Of Seduction, written by a guy who refers to himself as “Mystery” (For some reason these ass clowns all go by code names, which I guess makes sense, I wouldn’t want to put any of this weird ass behavior on my real name either).
“Seduction Tips” from “Mystery”
Walk into the club with a smile. A smile indicates that you’re confident, fun, and, above all, an alpha male.
As someone who has done actual alpha male shit like playing college football, leading a platoon in a combat zone, and eating ass it’s my responsibility to tell you that anyone who uses the phrase “alpha male” unironically is probably a complete bitch.
Select a target (a woman you want to seduce) in a group. Don’t pick up women who are standing alone.
Unless you’re a cartel hitman or a CIA operative you might want to avoid referring to other humans as “targets”, I’d say this applies doubly when it comes to a woman that you’d like to spend time with alone, but then again I don’t source my dating habits from Silence Of The Lambs.
Approach the group confidently and start conversation with a scripted pickup line, such as, “It looks like the party’s over here” or “Did you see those two girls fighting outside?” The lines are simple; they’re just meant to get people talking.
As with his unabashed use of the term “alpha male” this stuff would be comical if it didn’t carry with it an incredibly creepy undertone that involves targeting other humans for isolation and physical conquest.
Ignore your target. Instead, make her friends like you—especially anyone who would be likely to try to interfere with your pickup attempt (such as male friends). Winning over the group makes you seem like the life of the party, while ignoring your target makes her more eager for your attention.
Further provoke your target with a neg, which is a backhanded compliment or vague insult—for example, offer her gum after she talks, or tell her that her hair would look better if it were up/down. The neg reinforces your lack of interest and further injures the woman’s self-esteem.
I can’t for the life of me imagine any well adjusted person going into a social encounter of any kind intent on ignoring and provoking another person in hopes of injuring their self-esteem — this would be bad enough, but the fact that it’s a means to eventually getting them to submit you sexually, really ups the creep factor.
Isolate your target. Use an excuse to get her away from the group, such as saying that you want to show her something.
Again, and I hate to belabor the point, but it definitely bears repeating; you cannot convince me that anyone referring to another human as a target in need of isolation, is anything but a would-be rapist. Actually I’m pretty sure most of these pickup artists would commit rape if only they possessed the physical strength to do so (see above picture of Mystery and company for reference).
This shit was annoying enough when I’d go out to a bar with a friend who had just read one of these books. If you’re six vodka-clubs deep and fist pumping to Levels the last thing you wanna do is stop so you can be a wingman for your buddy while he awkwardly tries to “neg” (that’s when you say something mean so a girl will like you) a woman by telling her that her purse doesn’t match her hair color, or whatever bullshit tricks these simps got duped into spending money on. But while pickup artistry was an inconvenience for me during nights on the town, it seems like something absolutely terrifying for a woman to be confronted with. Dealing with a manipulative personality is bad enough, but one look at the videos that accused killer David Bonola was sharing on his page and it’s not hard to see that some of these laughable chumps may only be a few rejections away from homicidal behavior.
Here are some choice selections from the Bonolas library: “How To Get A Girlfriend (Even If She’s Not Interested In You At First).” “How To Make Her Miss You! 4 Tips: When It’s Not Going Anywhere!” “How To Get Your Ex To Think About You Constantly,” “How to Break the Loop of Obsession.”
You couldn’t have named those videos better if you were writing a fictional story about a self-described pickup artist who goes off the deep end and winds up brutally murdering a former love interest. Sadly, they were videos shared by a very real (alleged) killer who appeared to be very much into actual pickup artistry.
Look, if you’re a guy out there trying to get laid try this: hit the gym, develop a personality, find some interests, find some women who share those interests and who match up with your personality traits, get laid. That way you won’t ruin your friends’ nights by making them stand there while you perform some half-assed night club magic act, and nobody will wind up brutally murdered when your lame-o seduction methods fall flat. Win-Win!