Sharing A Bed With Your 8-Year-Old Son Is A Very Bad Idea

“Well, a boy’s best friend is his mother” – Norman Bates

It’s no secret that Hollywood is filled to the brim with total weirdos. Whether they’re gallivanting about on Epstein’s Island or drinking the blood of children to maintain their own youthful glow, actors and actresses just like to do things a little bit different than the rest of us. So with that in mind it should come as no surprise when that bizarre behavior seeps into their parenting techniques.

Christina Ricci got candid about her kids’ sleeping habits, revealing her 8-year-old son Freddie still shares a bed with her while her 9-month-old daughter Cleopatra is sleep trained.

“The fact that I can put her down in her crib, and she just goes to sleep when my 8-year-old still sleeps with me is amazing,” Ricci said, according to People.

The mom of two said it was difficult to put Freddie to sleep when he was younger, adding how challenging it was the first time she attempted to sleep-train her son.

“He screamed himself hoarse and started banging his head against the crib railing,” she told the media outlet.

Part of me wants to empathize with Christina here, after all there are few things more irritating than a screaming child — I’m sitting next to one in a coffee shop as I write this very blog post and it’s taking all of my self-control to refrain from bashing his adorable little brains in with a carafe oat milk. Still, I’m not sure that letting the kid sleep in your bed until the age of 8 is the solution you’re looking for, at this point it’s akin to using a glade plugin to cover up the smell coming from a closet full of dead hookers — it might provide some temporary relief, but you’ve still go a major problem on your hands (and frankly, if you keep letting your kid sleep in your bed you might one day find out that he actually does have a closet full of dead hookers).

Anyway, as Fox News explains, Christina isn’t the only one sharing a bed with her kid

The 42-year-old actress shares Freddie with ex-husband James Heerdegen. She welcomed her daughter Cleopatra with her current partner Mark Hampton in December 2021.

Read between the lines there and you’ll realize that this means Mark Hampton, who presumably shares a bed with his “partner” Christina Ricci, is also sharing a bed with Ricci’s 8-year-old son. This is even more problematic than the kid sleeping in a bed with his mother. I’m not bashing on men who step in to help raise a kid when they enter a relationship with a single mother, I think that’s pretty admirable, every kid deserves to have a dad. The problem arises when “dad” has an erotic dream that results in a raging sleep boner. Now we have a man in a darkened room, in bed with an erection and an 8-year-old boy. Assuming Christina sleeps between them (the only remotely acceptable arrangement in this wildly unacceptable scenario) we still run the risk of having his penis come into contact with an 8-year-old boy’s buttocks. Say, for example, that it’s taco night in the Ricci house and a belly full of refried beans sends Christina running for the bathroom at 4 a.m…this could very well lead to a situation in which her boyfriend’s erect penis might find itself within inches of her sleeping son’s backside. And if her boyfriend should awaken groggy, turgid, and aching for release while an unaware Christina Ricci empties her bowels in the next room, then one need not be Jared Fogle to understand what could happen next.

Ricci’s parenting techniques aren’t uncommon.

In July, “Clueless” alum Alicia Silverstone opened up about her 11-year-old son Bear still preferring his mother’s company during bedtime.

She emphasized that her parenting style is just “following nature.”

First of all; WRONG! Ricci’s parenting tactics are incredibly uncommon. In fact I’d wager that almost nobody who reads this blog post will look back at their youth and remember sharing a bed with mom and her boyfriend around the time they were approaching middle school.

As the child of boomers I understand that it can be quite traumatizing for a child when their emotional needs aren’t being met, but as a former middle school student who spent a fair amount of time making fun of my classmates for anything that made them different, I can also tell you that grades six through eight are going to be a nightmare for this kid if anyone reads this article and finds out that he’s been sleeping with mom and her hard dicked boyfriend.

If you really want to do right by your kid then cut the cord, buy him a comfy bed, and go out of your way to make sure he doesn’t turn into the next Norman Bates. Otherwise the bullies will have their way, and your son will have a closet full of dismembered prostitutes.