“When black cats prowl and pumpkins gleam, may luck be yours on Halloween.” – Anon
Halloween 2022 is in the books, but it just wouldn’t be an American holiday without a little bit of incredibly stupid behavior worth commenting on. Let’s take a look at a couple of my favorite moments.
‘It was super mean’: Woman takes entire buckets of Halloween candy from Tampa home
A woman was caught on video taking a home’s entire candy supply for herself Halloween night while in costume.
Popular YouTube streamer Andy Signore, host of Popcorned Planet, told WFLA he was out trick-or-treating with his family when he saw what happened on the doorbell’s app.
“I caught it happening LIVE, and I was shocked,” Signore said. “I expected some teens to be greedy, but I couldn’t believe an adult woman would take it all.”
“She dressed up, walked on my lawn, and seems to do it with intent,” Signore said. “It was super mean. Who needs that much candy that badly?”
Signore uploaded the video onto his Twitter, which went viral.
“This delightful ADULT WOMAN decided to dump BOTH buckets of candy from my porch, so no other children could get any,” he wrote.
Signore said he didn’t think the woman should face any criminal penalties, but he said she should apologize for taking all the candy and make a donation to a children’s charity or school to make up for it.
First of all, the second I hear “popular youtuber” I think to myself “huge douche”.
You might say that this is because I’m resentful over being an unpopular youtuber, but I don’t really consider myself to be a youtuber, I fancy myself more of a podcaster with a YouTube channel. (Btw: please subscribe to my YouTube channel, video embedded)
In my eyes YouTubers are guys like this Andy Signore tool and the Paul brothers, and others who are really into YouTube and sort of exist in that sphere where they create their content specifically to please an algorithmically driven audience.
It’s clearly effective because they have huge followings, but I also think that in a lot of cases their content blows and only appeals to people who are dumb and need something to watch — or is there something I’m missing about the excitement of watching a grown man open a box of Pokemon cards?
The otherworldly success of mediocre content creators aside, my major issue with Signore’s reaction to this incident is that dumping out a full “please take one” bucket is well within the bounds of fair play on Halloween.
The rules of Halloween are simple; “please take one” means take whatever the fuck you want. It always has meant that and it always will mean that. If you don’t like it then don’t Halloween.
Halloween is a day meant for anti-social behavior. Halloween is a day to be profane, to commit cultural appropriation, to dress like Jeffrey Dahmer, Jared from Subway, or a ghoulish Jeffrey Epstein. Part of the fun of October 31, lies in the act of throwing social norms on the ground and pissing on them. Part and parcel to that fun is hunting for untouched “please take one” bowls and dumping them in your bag before some other sugar loving opportunist shows up to do the same.
His final suggestion — that he didn’t want to get her in trouble, but that she should make a donation to a school or children’s charity — may be the most infuriating aspect of this entire charade.
Assuming that she took two full, large bowls of fun sized candy, we’re looking at a total of $15-30 worth of product. Divided among the many dozens of kids who may have missed out on a mini-Three Musketeers each, that comes out to a few cents per kid. Does this really warrant a cash donation? Of course not.
Unfortunately this kind of attitude is incredibly common among extremely online people like Andy Signore. These jackoffs see the entire world as one big Twitter feed, and a surefire way to stick to the top of that feed is with a spicy viral takedown. What they don’t see is the person whose life they may be ruining in the process (people are fired and ostracized over this kind of relatively harmless behavior all the time).
Here’s how the situation probably unfolded:
Woman gets dressed for Halloween, has a few drinks, and eats some edibles with her friends. Conversation turns to their childhood trick-or-treating exploits and the gang giggles about dumping “please take one” bowls into their pillow cases. Her friend dares her to do it as an adult. The perpetrator accepts and executes said dare without realizing that she has run afoul of an asshole with an oversized social media following.
TLDR: Andy Signore sucks.
Fans stunned by Donald Faison and his daughter’s Clueless Halloween costumes: ‘This is the best’
The 48-year-old actor shared a photo of him and his seven-year-old daughter, Wilder, posing as the two iconic ‘90s characters on his Instagram on Monday. Faison notably starred in Clueless as Murray, the boyfriend of main character Cher’s best friend, Dionne, who was portrayed by Stacey Dash.
In the photo, Faison wore a magenta hoodie, green joggers, and backward Kangol hat — an outfit bearing similarities to what his character wore in the film.
Standing in front of her father, Wilder wore one of Dionne’s famous outfits consisting of a matching plaid skirt and jacket and a red shirt. She completed the signature look with a large hat on her head, a small purse around her wrist, and a fake cellphone in her hand.
What they conveniently leave out of all of this is that “Dionne” was not just Cher’s best friend. Dionne was also Murray’s girlfriend.
You may recall from the film that Dionne and Murray have not gone “all the way” upon their introduction to the audience — although it is alluded to that they have performed a number of sexual acts, stopping just short of vaginal intercourse. This likely includes BJs, HJs, dry humping, face sitting, 69ing, b-hole licking, etc. They eventually consummate the relationship following a dangerous situation on the freeway.
Let that sink in.
The character Murray, pushes his turgid member into Dionne’s as yet unpenetrated womanhood, leaving a bloody mess on a set of bedsheets.
So now I have to ask; how the fuck is this the costume that you pick for your daughter?
He dressed as the guy whose banging his daughter AND “the internet loves it”!
This is why I don’t put any stock into anything that anyone on the internet says. These morons are so hungry for a little slice of nostalgia from the guy from Scrubs that they’re willing to overlook the fact that this is a couple’s costume.
How am I the only one taking umbrage?
Call me old fashioned, but back in my day it was frowned upon to recreate nostalgic sexual chemistry with your female relatives. Give me a Halloween filled with serial killers, spooky clowns, and sorority girls in sombreros. Spare me the implicit incest of a grown man dressing his daughter like the woman he fucked in a 90s teen dramady.
I don’t even like when the parents of the bride and groom dance with their kids at a wedding. What if the groom took a Cialis so he could bang his bride after having a few drinks at the reception? Now his semi-plump Cialis dick is within grazing distance of his mom’s box while a misty-eyed crowd of onlookers makes instagram reels? No thank you.
I usually scoff at those QAnon theories about Hollywood being full of blood drinking kid fuckers, but when a story like this hits the press and not one headline raises a red flag then I have to start asking questions.